LATEST ADDITIONS

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? - Unknown ...Category: Life

Life is becoming more and more uncertain, nowadays there are people dying that had never done so before – Kerneels Young ...Category: Uncertainty

Work is the modern equivalent of slavery - Unknown ...Category: Work

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Speed

The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get - Satchel Paige

Automobile

The automobile is like a family member. The only difference: it receives its inheritance while you are still alive. - Jorrie Jordaan

Marriage

If you find a good wife you will be happy. If you marry a bad one, you will become a philosopher. - Sokrates

Common Sense

Don't make common sense difficult - Kerneels Young

Unless you are dumb, there is no excuse for doing something stupid - Unknown

Ideas

Our greatest power lies in the attraction of our ideas to others, not in our power to impose them – USA Today Editorial

Emotion

Love is blind. Marriage opens your eyes. – Unknown

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lord, please give me the patience to endure my husband - not the power, or I might kill him. – Unknown

Chance

The lotto is a tax on people that flunked math – Unknown

Time

The future will be better tomorrow – George Bush

Conversation

Men use words to avoid saying something - Dalton Humphrey

Don’t just keep talking until you think of something worth saying. You may not. – Red Green

Booze

I drink to drown my sorrows. Unfortunately they are all great swimmers. – Willy Vandersteen

Truth

If you have to lie, then do it well enough that people believe you - Abraham De Vries

I have decided to tell everyone exactly what I thought, but I quickly changed my mind when my neighbors started doing the same thing to me. - C.J. Langenhoven

Speak the truth, then leave quickly - Serbian Proverb

Money

In our neighborhood the rich people had linoleum on the floor and they drove Valiants – Tolla van der Merwe

Money doesn't talk, it swears - Bob Dylan

When you give food to the poor, they call you a saint. When you ask why the poor have no food, they call you a communist. - Helder Camara

I did not bother with financial planning; I counted on being dead by now - Shoe

Business

I was a human being before I became a businessman - George Soros

Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get - Warren Buffet

The customer is boss. And he can fire everybody simply by spending his money elsewhere. – Sam Walton

We're number one in the number two business! - Winston Rothschild’s Septic Sucking Service

Uncertainty

Life is becoming more and more uncertain, nowadays there are people dying that had never done so before – Kerneels Young

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking – Unknown

IF is good! - Panic (from the movie Hercules)

If you worry, you die. If you don't worry, you die. Why die? - MJ

Neurosis is the inability to tolerate ambiguity - Sigmund Freud

I only argue when I'm wrong - Red Green

Health

Who wants to die with healthy lungs, anyway? - Jorrie Jordaan

I am not strictly speaking mad, for my mind is absolutely normal in intervals - Vincent van Gogh

We all take good care of our health after we had damaged it beyond repair - CJ Langenhoven

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
bucket - Unknown

Art

Good business is the best art - Andy Warhol

Learning

Thinking is not a good thing when you’re feeling smart – Red Green

Students have a duty to cheat. The lecturer’s job is to catch them. – Johan Uys

Reading the instructions is like cheating – Buzz

Those who know all often upset those who know better – Unknown

One of my students sketched a rock on his exam paper and wrote that his answer was beneath it. I put his marks under the rock as well. – Johan Uys

I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught - Winston Churchill

Work

Work is the modern equivalent of slavery - Unknown

Hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? - Ronald Reagan

Don't listen to a man who says we have to work together as a team. He means we have to work as he says. – CJ Langenhoven

Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us - Jerry Garcia

If you are not a part of the solution, there is good money to be made in prolonging the problem – Despair.com

Satan was the first consultant - Mark Twain

Language

Drop your trousers here for best results - Bangkok Laundry Service

Please leave your values at the front desk - French Hotel

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid - Japanese Guest House

Death

Don't let it end this way. Tell them I said something. - Pancho Villa

A will is your last chance to make a point. And nobody can talk back. – Red Green

Everyone dies but not everyone lives - A Sachs

It does not mean much to be important. The most important man at a burial is dead. - Tender-hearted Neelsie

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens - Woody Allen

Accidents happen, otherwise, a lot of us wouldn't be around today to be talking about it - Red Green

War

Not even America can take New York – MJ

Gadhafi, Gadhafi, Gadhoef... - Fanus Rautenbach (after Reagan bombed Gadhafi's compound)

War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell

You go to war with the army you have, not the army you'd like to have - Donald Rumsfeld

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace - Jimi Hendrix

One can achieve many useless things through violence - Jorrie Jordaan

Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent - Issac Asimov

World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones - Albert Einstein

Religion

"You’re talking about me!" – Unknown churchgoer who jumped up and publicly objected to a fiery sermon. He took his coat and left.

God has a soft spot for sinners - Desmond Tutu

There they will wail and grind their teeth. And those without teeth will be supplied with some. – African preacher

Nature

God is welding – 3 year old observing his first major lightning storm

Forget the wales, save me! - Fat lady's bumper sticker

Thorns have roses - Alphonse Karr

Africa

You see that bush over there, and that rock next to it? Well now you have seen the whole place. Forget the scenic route. – Gert Theron

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land. - Desmond Tutu

Illegal immigrants are leaving Africa because of the crime rate – Unknown

Life

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? - Unknown

Life is a dangerous business. After all, one could perish. – MJ

Old age comes at a bad time – San Banducci

If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on life’s big disappointments - Ashleigh Brilliant

Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. - Andy Warhol

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional - Red Green

Life is a losing proposition - Joseph Hooper

I wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time. - Greer Garson

At my age I'm pleased to be anywhere - George Burns

God gives nuts to those with no teeth - Arab proverb

By the time we've made it, we've had it - Malcolm Forbes

When you become senile, you won't know it - Bill Cosby

Scotland

Why do they call it a "kilt"? Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt. – Midland Higlanders

Twelve highlanders and a bagpipe make a rebellion - Scottish Proverb

Mankind

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

Folly and ignorance is the common curse of mankind — William Shakespeare

Politicians

"Half of you are a bunch of donkeys." Upon the demand to retract or be censured, came the reply: "I stand corrected. Half of you are not a bunch of donkeys." - C.J. Langenhoven to the South African Parliament

Why did Idi Amin need wipers on the inside of his car? Because he always drove like this: “Bwrwrwm, Bwrwrwm”. – Unknown

Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a president who can barely speak English try to make themselves clear to an audience that's mostly Spanish – Jay Leno

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest - Rodney Dangerfield

A diplomat is someone who thinks twice before saying nothing - Unknown

Government

Democracy is coming to the U.S.A. – Leonard Cohen

The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. - Ronald Reagan

The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion - Elizabeth Drew

Not only will we survive sanctions, we will emerge stronger on the other side - PW Botha

In my country we go to prison first and then become President - Nelson Mandela

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of. - Confucius

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change – George Bush